Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
