this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
