Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
