he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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