hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We are two peas in an std pod
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
