at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
