dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
