You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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