hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
