Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
