I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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