It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
