I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
