Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
