honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
