I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is wine microwaveable?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
