I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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