Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
