She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
