at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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