She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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