We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
