I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
