if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
