Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think people are normalizing furries
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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