This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
