Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
His hands were made for my vagina.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
