Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
