dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
