Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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