I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
