I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
