He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You have to summon your inner elephant
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
