That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
