Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
