remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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