I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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