My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
