You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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