U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just had sex bonerless
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
