I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
