Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
