They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
