Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
