Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
