Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
