There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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