so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
