Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
