you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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