My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
