How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
