Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
